The beauty of Twilight
by Pinkelberry
Summary: Twilight from Edward's point of view. His struggle to avoid Bella and what really made him decide to give up.
1. Prologue

**Twilight**

Preface

_Everything had been perfect; we had finally found a place where we could be safe, a place where we could hide our urges and our true forms. These ordinary humans, the scent of them was almost too easy to resist, nothing spectacular surrounded them. Nothing at all, except her. _

That was the day that everything changed, the day that I suddenly became aware of myself again. Suddenly animals were not as appealing as they had once been. Never had blood seemed so appealing before, never had I been so afraid to lose control.

I glided to my usual seat in Biology, sitting alone as usual for that was how I prefer to be. If I sit alone I am no threat, there is nothing for me, or them to fear. But then she entered, clumsily strolling in, her beauty was the first thing I noticed, but then so did every other boy in that place, staring after her as she searched for a seat. But the one next to me was the only one spare, I felt the monster inside beginning to reach out, clawing out of my body. She looked at me wearily, sitting down but she was too close. The strange scent of her blood enshrouded my mind, taking over my senses. I felt my knuckles go white as I balled them into fists, leaning as far away from her as possible in the hope that the scent would not affect me. She looked at me and fear passed into her eyes, but my merely narrowed, trying to ignore my own desire. I noticed a floral tang to the scent of her blood; I had never smelt anything so delicious in my life. I heard her heart beating within her chest and watched as she slid her hair over her shoulder to create some kind of wall between us. I tried to listen, to find out what she was thinking but there was something wrong…I could not hear a thing, as though there was really a barrier between us. It intrigued me but my thoughts were still clouded by that tangible aroma. At last class was over and a left as quickly as I could, rushing away from that room to the cafeteria to bury my head and catch my breath. I heard the unsubtle thoughts of that Mike who followed her around like a lost puppy dog, thinking quite happily that I hated this new girl, this Bella. But how wrong could he be, she was now the biggest challenge I had ever been faced with, I could not hate someone so enigmatic, exciting. I knew that if I stayed with her she would be in danger, a danger that no matter how I tried to avoid it was inevitable. I had to stay away from her, but I knew it would be difficult, I had surpassed harder things in my time.


	2. How to avoid a flower

CHAPTER 1

How to avoid a Flower

All day I had tried to avoid that scent, after Biology I couldn't get her out of my mind, the steady beating of her heart that suddenly frolicked wildly whenever she tried to steal a glance in my direction. With her sat so close it was just too dangerous, any moment the monster within me could snap, at any point she could be dead because of me. I could see the fear on the faces of each student; we would be chased from the town, exposed and maybe even experimented on. We are not the monsters we are portrayed to be, all coffins and nighttime feeding. We live like every other human on this measly planet, only with a few subtle differences. I rushed to the receptionist's office, barely seeing the corridors I left behind. The receptionist smiled kindly from behind her little desk, all upbeat perkiness and calm serenity. I heard her heart beating, the blood rushing through her veins, pounding in my head. I had been stronger before _she_ had come; even the thought of her name left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I looked deeply into the receptionist's eyes, knowing my own to be smouldering to her.

"I need to change my Biology class," I said smoothly, keeping my voice low and even so that she would not sense the struggle inside me as I fought to stop myself from launching at her and feeding from her throat.

"I'm really sorry, but we just can't do that," the receptionist replied feebly, I could feel the panic in the intonations of her voice. In her mind she spoke only of the regret she felt at being unable to help me. I tried my hardest to change her mind but that floral scent shrouded my senses once more and I could no longer find my own control. I explained to the receptionist that I really didn't care what time she changed my Biology to, even after school would be fine, anything to get away from the temptation. A girl swooped in through the door and placed a note on the desk in front of me, here entire being coming close to mine, too close. I turned slowly, trying not to show my inner struggle towards the biggest enigma I have ever faced. But it was no use; her thoughts were as blank to me as those of a piece of paper. I hoped she feared me though; it would be easier that way, for everyone. I turned from her, allowing the anger I felt at myself to enter into my voice.

"Never mind, then," I snapped as quickly as I could, "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help." I hoped the receptionist heard my sarcasm as I turned swiftly on my heel, avoiding the idea of even looked at _Her_ as I disappeared through the door.

The next day I couldn't bear to be at school, to be near her at all. It sickened me to think what she could do to me, what she had done to me. Instead I went hunting in the mountains, if I was to ever return to school I knew I had to do it on a full stomach. The thirst doesn't always affect me, but now it was harder to ignore and no matter what had to be quenched. I persuaded Carlisle to take me and together we prowled through the rocks. I felt my face contort as the animal inside me awoke from its cage. Everything else was blank. I had tried to explain my predicament with Carlisle and he had understood, but I was not sure how the others would react. That night I went to her house as she slept, standing in her room where she could not know that I was. She talked in her sleep, it was strange to listen to someone's thoughts that way but I learnt things. She was lonely, missing her mother and her home. She was like me…alone.

When I returned home I saw Alice with her head held in her hands with the rest of the family surrounding her. I entered slowly, trying to keep myself calm as I crouched down beside her.

"What did you see?" I asked slowly, she seemed so shaken and fragile; I had only once seen her this way before.

Alice tried to smile at me, placing her hands on my shoulders; I knew what she wanted me to do. I cleared my mind and entered hers, floating through her thoughts until I came to the vision. I saw Bella lying cold on the ground; no life surrounded her, no heartbeat and no breath.

"No!" I cried, although I didn't understand why it hurt me so to think that she would die.

The snow began to fall during the night, settling thickly on the ground. Alice grabbed my hand and dragged me outside the minute the clock struck midnight. I watched as she gracefully danced in the snow, her eyes closed and all I could do was smile. I looked up to the sky; the stars were still there shining brightly as the snow fell. I didn't feel the cold but a faint memory of a time when I was alive flooded back to me and made me shiver. Emmet and Jasper started throwing snowballs at one another with loud thuds that sounded like a baseball bat smashing into each of them. Rosalie sat down next to me, a faint smile on her face.

"It doesn't matter you know, as long as you're not the cause of her death you could just let her die," she whispered softly, trying to sound comforting, but her words were too cruel. "After all she's just a human,"

I shook my head, "We were all human once Rosalie," I snapped, standing and walking away from her, back inside to dwell in my own confused misery in my room.

She was there at lunch the next day, _Bella_. I tried to join in with my family's mirth at the snow, laughing with them as we brushed the wet snowflakes from our clothes. The snow, like us was cold. I heard the thoughts of that Jessica girl before she even voiced them. She had such a feeble mind, barely worth reading. But her thoughts were about Bella and this was the only way I could even begin to guess what she was thinking. I couldn't stop myself from looking at her, meeting those enchanting brown eyes, but before I could even savour the intensity her hair fell in front of her face and her beauty was hidden from me. I heard the speculated thoughts of Jessica, the idea that I was attracted to Bella…it was ridiculous…wasn't it?


	3. Giving in

Chapter 2

Giving in

She was already seated as I entered Biology and at that moment I had made up my mind, I would try to make amends for how I had acted on our first meeting.

"Hello," I said quietly, she looked up reminding me of a rabbit faced with headlights. I had angled my chair towards her, and allowed a slight smile to brighten my face, though I knew it did not reach my eyes. She said nothing, simply staring at me as though I was the King of England or something.

"My name is Edward Cullen," I continued, trying my hardest to keep a straight face, I knew already that she knew my name, "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

It took her some time to collect her thoughts; I watched her expressions begin to change slowly from one to the other.

"H-how do you know my name?" she stammered, I was amazed at the affect I was having on her. I laughed, hoping she did not see through my calm exterior.

"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive."

She seemed to grimace, an expression that did not suite her features one bit.

"No," she persisted, "I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

I was taken back; I couldn't exactly tell her that I had been listening to other people's thoughts to find out about her could I?

"Do you prefer Isabella?"

"No, I like Bella," she replied, her hair tucked behind her ears, it was better that way, if even a strand fell the scent would drive me wild, although the exposure of her beautiful neck with that beautiful vein was enough, a thought which constantly haunted me.

"But I think Charlie-I mean my dad-must call me Isabella behind my back- that's what everyone here seems to know me as."

"Oh," I said, allowing that particular conversation end. She looked away from me and I felt a pang in the place where my heart should be, why could she not look at me?

Mr Banner started the lesson; we were to do an experiment involving onion cells and a microscope, something to do with mitosis. I smiled as she still avoided my gaze,

"Ladies first, partner?" I asked, she stared at me again like a stunned animal, "Or I could start, if you wish." My smile faded, I was doing everything I could to change the first impression she had gained of me from our first encounter but she seemed physically unable to accept what I was offering as my apology.

"No," she said finally, flushing slightly, her heart pounded and I tried my hardest to ignore it, "I'll go ahead."

She seemed to know exactly what she was doing and after a second of looking through the lens of the microscope said, "Prophase,"

I took comfort in the notion that she wasn't unintelligent, even though her thoughts were still kept from me, secrets I was determined to know.

"Do you mind if I look?" I asked before she removed the slide, hoping to check to see if she had made a mistake. My hand caught hers, shocked by the warmth and the sensation of the blood pumping beneath that living flesh, my mouth watered at the thought though I hid it well. She jerked her hand from mine and I felt as though my heart had been ripped out with it.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, pulling back my hand from hers. I examined the slide and she was right, "Prophase," I agreed, writing it neatly on the first space of our worksheet.

The experiment continued on this way and we finished the work before everyone else. I could not help but look at her, even as she avoided my gaze. At last she looked up at me, I hoped she could not see the frustration written on my face.

"Did you get contacts?" she asked, so suddenly I was too surprised to reply straight away.

"No," I replied, wondering where she had gotten that idea.

"Oh." She mumbled, "I thought there was something different about your eyes."

I shrugged and looked away, could she have seen so clearly the beast within me when no one else could? I didn't want to believe that, if she knew that made her dangerous to me and to my family. I tried to keep myself calm and my thoughts rational and I felt my fists clenching so hard that if I had blood in my veins my knuckles would have turned white.

Mr Banner came over to talk to us about the experiment but I couldn't bring myself to listen, too busy trying to listen into the forbidden mind that somehow blocked me out. After he left I watched as she doodled on her notebook, her pen scrawling in the most inelegant way.

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" I asked, believing that if I kept talking this would somehow get easier. I was hoping for another snow fight with my family, the moment the cold hits me its almost as though I am human again, not that I miss being human that is.

"Not really," she replied, this shocked me. Snow to me is the most beautiful and unique thing to ever exist, even though it cannot last, it seems such a fleeting thing. But then from what I knew from what she had said to others she preferred the sun.

"You don't like the cold?" I stated, almost bluntly. I could sense the hint of a smile in her voice.

"Or the wet." She said.

"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live," I mused out loud, still wondering what could possibly be going through her mind.

"You have no idea," she muttered darkly. She was so much more than just a mystery to me now, if only she knew how much she tormented me.

"Why did you come here then?" I almost demanded, my curiosity getting the better of me, although it distracted me from the overwhelming desire I now felt to lure her away and taste her. But maybe a taste would not be enough from such a sweet bouquet.

"It's complicated." Was all she said in reply. That wasn't good enough for me; I turned on the charm that always got me what I wanted, my way of confusing my prey and making them agree to whatever I wanted. But at that moment all I wanted was what was inside her head, the one thing I was forbidden from.

"I think I can keep up." I said honestly, her long story meant nothing in comparison to the days that seemed to quietly slip by as though this was not existence at all but a place in between.

She met my gaze, possibly one of her biggest mistakes, now she couldn't resist telling me everything.

"My mother got remarried," she explained, giving into me at last, as I knew she would.

"That doesn't sound so complex," I disagreed, but then in my mind something triggered. All those old fairytales that I had heard along time ago…back in the days when they seemed like only fairytales. There was always an evil stepmother…maybe Bella viewed this man to be along the male equivalent to that. I allowed myself to feel sympathy for her,

"When did that happen?" I asked making sure my sympathy reached my voice.

"Last September," she replied, I sensed the sadness in her voice and I wanted to reach out to her, end her suffering.

"And you don't like him," I concluded, trying to banish the thoughts of tasting her sweet smelling blood.

"No, Phil is fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough."

I didn't understand, why would she have left the place she loved for Forks, a place where danger was closer that she could ever imagine.

"Why didn't you stay with them?" I asked, listening intently to every syllable that she uttered, hoping to hear her thoughts or sense them at least as she spoke.

"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living," she smiled, but it wasn't a full smile, as though she were embarrassed.

"Have I heard of him?" I asked, returning her smile, trying to make her feel safe.

"Probably not. He doesn't play _well_. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot."

"And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him," I speculated, it seemed unjust but it made sense somehow. She raised her chin; I wished she would just look into my eyes once more.

"No, she did not send me here. I sent myself," she almost shouted. My eyebrows furrowed as I considered her words, it frustrated me that she would be so complex and confusing unlike the rest of the simple-minded girls at this school. She sighed, the sweet smell of her breath more tantalizing than ever and I could not help but stare at her.

"She stayed with me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy…so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie."

Her voice was so sad that I almost felt her pain.

"But now you're unhappy," I stated, seeing it etched on her face. She seemed affronted by this,

"_And?_" she challenged me, her voice seemed so fragile…so human.

"That doesn't seem fair-" I shrugged, my eyes still on her, watching for any change in her expression.

She laughed but for some reason it seemed forced and I lost heart.

"Hasn't anyone told you? Life isn't fair."

I refrained from rolling my eyes, if only she knew how unfair life truly was, how cruel life can be when it should not be yours.

"I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before," I replied dryly. She seemed to be growing impatient with my curiosity but I could not help myself.

"So that's all," she insisted, trying to drop her gaze. She amazed me,

"You put on a good show," I said slowly, "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."

She grimaced again, how unappealing these human expressions could be.

"Am I wrong?" I asked, she avoided my question as though attempting to ignore me, if only she knew how impossible that was. "I didn't think so." I murmured, a little smug. She turned on me then, the irritation clear in every aspect of her being.

"Why does it matter to you?" she snapped. She did not look at me as she spoke and I watched her eyes as she watched Mr Banner.

"That's a very good question," I murmured to myself. Why did it matter? She was only human after all. I heard her sigh angrily, her beauty marred by the scowl she wore as she stared on ahead.

"Am I annoying you?" I asked light-heartedly, trying to prevent her from hating me. She glanced at me, her eyes meeting mine.

"Not exactly, I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read- my mother always calls me her open book." She frowned, but I could not understand why. If she only knew how hard it was for me to read her…

"On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read," I corrected, my honesty surprising even myself.

"You must be a good reader then," She replied.

"Usually," I smiled, finding it difficult to hide my amusement, if only Alice were here to share my laughter.

When the bell rang I rushed from the room, I had to get away from her, the more time I spent with her the more danger she was in. I heard the thoughts of that Mike boy as I kept my distance, listening to his jealousy towards me as he subtly questioned Bella. I leant against the door of my car, waiting for my family to finally arrive outside. It was cold but the cold did not bother me. I angrily watched as Mike walked Bella to her car, his thoughts only of her. I couldn't understand why I was angry but I just was. I watched her as she reversed but she reversed too quickly, almost smashing into another car. My heart almost collapsed at the thought. I laughed, she was definitely the clumsiest person I had ever seen in my life, and that really was saying something.


End file.
